Since my last post, I’ve been thinking a lot about how losing my hair pushed a lot of crazy out of the way. It brought immediate clarity to places in my life where I was dragging my feet. The first thing it did was power-wash my friendship house.
I didn’t lose my hair overnight, but instead over the course of a few years. I graduated college with thinning, but still decently awesome hair. Then I returned a year later with a bandana on my head to cover the bald spots. And then I went through a wig stage. And then I just went bald. Then I got hair back. Then I lost it again. It was a lot to handle. Some friends just didn't survive all those physical and emotional transitions. I barely did. I don't blame them. It's not for everyone. It was a real gut check though at the time to see the truth about some friendships or to accept I had created a life based on a lot of superficial bits.
Looking back - and yes, hindsight is 20/20 - I would never ever of had the strength to break-up with some friends, even if they were unhealthy for me or my gut said that our friendship had run its course and it was time to fade away. The thought never occurred to me to break up with friends. I hoarded them like shoes and old underwear and books. They were a sign, at the time, that I was popular and loved and something in this world. The hair really wiped away that idea though. Snap. Gone. Buh-bye. See ya “friends.” It really sucked but it was the best thing ever for me (and I hope them as well) cause I had a lot of excess and unnecessary relationships.
Breaking up with friends is a hard, strange thing. I believe, we need to treat them like romantic relationships where there is a clear beginning, middle, and an end or transition and in constant evaluation. We need to evaluate and ask ourselves if they are healthy and good for us, if they make us better people, if they bring our energy up or down, if they are based in the right reasons, if they would still love us bald or hairy, fat or skinny, healthy or unhealthy. More importantly, we need to ask ourselves if we would would return their love in-kind if the tables were turned. We need to keep ourselves and our friendship houses clean, crisp, and upright. Our friends should be a source of energy and inspiration and vice versa. Life is too short to have dirty friendship houses. Keep yours clean.
I believe that we serve different purposes in each other’s lives. Sometimes it happens in an interaction or over the course of many years or for forever. The art and the trick is listening to our guts tell us when we should hold on or let go. It is in mastering that balance that you are able to move forward effortlessly, with friends that truly reflect the people that you are.
I have a thing I say to my friends and it goes like this: if everyone loves me all the time then I'm not doing a very good job at being myself. I am flawed. Sometimes we are unable to let go of friendships because we haven't quite unearthed our own selves. So if you haven't yet found yourself, get going so you can also make sure you have the right friends around you!! (Ha. Easier said than done.) The better solution might just be, go and try being your most honest self and it might just do some weeding for you. Or at least try. It's a tall order. I'm getting off my soapbox now.
Source of inspiration: The Biological Reason You Have Too Many Facebook Friends
Keep keepin’ it real. Happy voting day to all of you and may you be finding little strings of truth that you are tugging on in your own life.